VANCOUVER DEVELOPER DEMANDS DEFUNDING OF OBAMA CARE

In a startling development,  the Architect for the Harwood Group, owners of the Stong’s site in Vancouver’s, Dunbar neighbourhood, now insists that the US Congress defund Obama Care. Unless this condition is met Stong’s, the popular food store, will be closed down.

Last week, architect Greg Henriquez forcefully insisted that his client must have two floors in excess of the amount allowed by the applicable C-2 Commercial zoning. He explained to those attending a hearing that:

A 4 story C-2 development could be profitable without a  supermarket because  small stores on one floor yield more revenue than a two storey supermarket.

 There is, however, a chance that Dunbar already has too much retail space which explains the explosion of hairdressers, H & R blocks and thrift stores, so, to ensure against risk he needs an extra floor. “I am telling you idiots,” he brusquely explained, “that 4 +1 = 5”.

Also, a supermarket requires two floors because that’s the way it is. This brings the total to around six or seven floors for a profitable development, based on the planning principle that 4 +2 = 6 or 7.

A notice to their employees has been posted by the owners of Stong's  explaining that Henriquez now demands that Obama Care be defunded.

“Mr. Henriquez says that if Obama Care goes ahead it is likely that the American economy will collapse and Vancouver will go with it. Therefore, his client requires a mixed use, LEEDS Compliant, 80 storey tower to compensate for possible losses caused by the introduction of the controversial US medical insurance program. Stong’s management urges  its employees to write to Congress to send in the marines if that's what it takes."

 (I admit that the preceding is a parody. Mr. Henriquez did not in fact say anything about Obama Care. You can find Stong's notice explaining their awkward situation at http://dunbarrevision.com/2013/09/22/blackmailed/

Vision Jubilant 

(The two Councilors did not actually say the things I have attributed to them below.  They probably will eventually.)

“This is a ‘win win’ situation,” Councilor Reimer said. “Any 86 storey tower will cast a shadow and stimulate the growth of mushrooms in back yards for blocks. The locavore community will benefit . We must not give in to the NMIMBY S (No Mushrooms in My Backyard) set.  

Councillor Kerry Jang, the popular member of  UBC's Psychiatry department, explained that in zoning terms, 

“A mushroom is the spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus, typically produced above ground on soil or on its food source. The standard for the name "mushroom" is the cultivated white button mushroom, Agaricus bisporus; hence the word "mushroom" is most often applied to those fungi (Basidiomycota, Agaricomycetes) that have a stem (stipe), a cap (pileus), and gills (lamellae, sing. lamella) or pores on the underside of the cap. I am not familiar with the Chanterelle Mushroom but an increase in supply will certainly make them more “affordable,” whatever that means.

A rebellion has been scheduled at City Hall on Tueday September 24 at 5:45 pm. Check for road closures before leaving home.